Lynnette's Story

It was the summer of 1995 and was preparing for my next semester at Rutgers University to begin in the fall. As the summer came to an end, so did my relationship with John. John and I had spent a great summer together and although we initially believed we were a perfect match, our differences began to surface.

When the news came that I was pregnant, it did not help matters. John proposed the idea of marriage, but I knew in my heart it would not work. He was hurt by the rejection and faded out of the picture.

I was twenty years old, afraid and alone. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I decided to turn to my family and they were understanding and supportive. They told me they would support me no matter my decision.

Before I knew it, months had gone by and I was beginning to look pregnant. I was entering my second trimester and my hormones were on a raging roller coaster. I wanted my baby to have a wonderful life but I did not have anything to offer. I wanted to be a mother that would always be there, but being home with a child was not an option for me at that time. I did not want my child’s life to start with only a single parent, but I could not be both a mother and a father. If I did parent this child, it seemed that I would never have the opportunity to accomplish the goals I had set out for. My chances of finishing college, traveling, writing, dating, falling in love and living a spontaneous life would be rare.

It was at that time that I was introduced to the idea of adoption by both a friend and a counselor. I had never considered carrying a child for nine months and then not raising it. Despite my initial resistance, the more I learned about adoption, the more I was comfortable with an adoption plan.

Through an adoption agency, I began to learn about the adoption process and I was told that what I was feeling was normal. Although pregnancy should be a happy and joyous time, mine was not at times. I questioned the adoption plan and myself. I often felt selfish and very confused. I spent many days brainstorming and wondering how I could make parenting work for me. I wondered if this child would understand my decision for placing her for adoption and if she would ever forgive me.

After choosing an adoptive couple, I began to feel relieved and comforted with the knowledge that another family was willing to give my child the life and love I craved for her. Meeting and speaking with the adoptive family taught me to feel happy for them, rather than sad for myself.

When I said good-bye to my daughter, I felt a loss. A loss that was replaced with the most valuable gift ever, the gift of love. As a mother, I was able to understand the sacrifices all mothers have to make to give the most to their children. I loved my daughter the best I could, by being selfless, mature, healthy and responsible during my pregnancy. After she was born, I provided her the security, warmth, love and nurturing she deserved. I was able to accomplish this by giving her a trusting, caring, loving adoptive home to grow in. Because of this, I know I fulfilled every mother’s dream, which is to provide her child with the very best mother that a child is worthy of.

Many, many days have past since I placed my daughter for adoption. Not one of those days have I forgotten to think of her and pray that she remain happy and healthy. Receiving letters from her adoptive parents and seeing photos of her continue to remind me that I made the correct decision for her and no matter what my future holds, I will never regret giving her the wonderful life she lives.