Lynette's Story

It was the summer of 1995 and was preparing for my next semester at Rutgers University to begin in the fall. As the summer came to an end, so did my relationship with John. John and I had spent a great summer together and although we initially believed we were a perfect match, our differences began to surface.

Thinking back, I had been so young and full of passion, eager to embrace the world!  I was so anxious to accept all that life had to offer, all of it that is, other than the stark truth that I had found myself pregnant!

Like many young woman in this situation, I had thought this could not happen to me.  This being a pregnancy that had not been carefully planned out, anticipated and expected.  My mother had warned me when I had boastfully shared with her that I had fallen in love with my new boyfriend of a few months.  The faster you fall into love, the sooner you may fall out.  And so it was.  My grandiose plans for my life did not match his desire to marry and figure “stuff” out. 

I had already figured “stuff” out and this was not a part of my plan.  I was entering my junior year of college and had to continue on a full-time basis to receive the scholarship I had worked so hard to obtain.  I had come too far, overcome too much to be faced with such a quandary!  I quickly grew exhausted from my self induced turmoil and was not sure if the nausea was pregnancy related or just a reflection of my life.

As the youngest of five children raised by a single mother, it is an understatement to say that I had my share of hand me downs, canned goods and multiple caregivers while my mother slaved at her various jobs.  Despite having hard times, my family was exceptionally close and my three sisters and I were inseparable.  My mother was my rock and I had invited her over to discuss my current crisis.  She stood there, in my living room as I held back the tears.  I was uncertain if she was standing in fear of sitting on the couch that I had just picked up from some curbside or if she sensed that I needed her close.

“You’re pregnant?” she asked before I could even say a word, with more of a surprise than question.  It was then that she hugged me and told me that a pregnancy was to be celebrated!  It was a life and a joyous occasion, even in times of uncertainty and doubt.  I was thankful for her support but could not find the celebration within me.

My dreams and aspirations flashed before me.  My plans and ambition to graduate from college, marry and develop a stable foundation no longer seemed obtainable.  Having a firm belief in my ideals on life, my only option was to continue the pregnancy and bring this child into this world.  As a logical young women, I rationalized that I had eight plus months to figure this out. 

I became a good pregnant woman and followed all the rules.  Took my vitamins, went to the doctors and even read what to expect.  I enjoyed being pregnant and was proud of my growing belly.  I basked in the joy but could not avoid the ticking clock.  I knew that my days with my child were numbered and with each sunrise, I quietly cried and yearned for more time.

I wanted to be a mother and not just any mother, a mother to this child.  With every tear I cried, I prayed for some way to make it possible.  Aside from my secret desires, I knew what I could offer her did not match what I wanted for her.  All my family support and love could not compare to the stability and security that she would find in the family I had carefully selected through a licensed adoption agency.

With every bit of my heart, I wanted to be the best mother to her.  And so I was…

I did what any good mother would do.  I planned for her, I cared for her and I sacrificed for her. 

It was the ultimate sacrifice and still remains the biggest sacrifice of my life, twelve years later.  Placing her for adoption was the best decision for her and one that I continue to be proud of.  I am now a mother to a child that I am parenting and am eternally grateful for such a blessing.  At times, I close my eyes while holding my precious new bundle of joy and think of the daughter I placed. 

I know that she is healthy and happy.  She is secure and loved.  There is nothing more important to this mother than to have this knowledge. 

So imagine you wanted to become a parent.  Then imagine you realized you were unable to have a child.  What would you do?  Perhaps you could turn to adoption, as I did and discover that sometimes life does not always happen exactly as we had predicted.

Adoptive parents and birth parents are brought together for the same purpose.  Both are unable to parent a biological child.  Yes, the reasons may be different and the life experiences may vary, but our love and desire to become a parent are the same.